This was an idea swiped from Ning Li, a great copywriter and a nice guy. The only thing different is me, turning this into an interview instead of a therapy session.

Let’s hop in the Victimhood Veto #1

Dear me,

From the time I can remember, your smile has always lit up other people’s day, no matter how dreary or mundane it got. But for how long are you able to hold that face? Seems like the only way someone notices you is when you act like a class clown. Always joking… always with something slick to say about everything… always… look… never mind.

I know what it is that prompts you to act out and be deemed as ‘weird’. From what I can see, on the outside looking in, is that it’s a defense mechanism. And that’s okay.

Here is a live transcript of the inner child talking to the outer adult:

OA: How do you feel right now?

IC: Scared… Alone… I feel like I’m playing on expert mode in a video game, and I’m stuck on the settings.

OA: What are you afraid of?

IC: sighs * - Look, I’m not scared per-say… I just don’t like the experience of being homeless, abandoned, outcast, and forgotten. When I was 18, I slept on Wall St. I didn’t like that feeling of being stepped over, with piercing eyes gazing down on me, judging me as if I was nothing more than an empty bag of chips.

OA: Why do you feel like you’re alone

IC: As far as I can remember, I’ve always been alone. From childhood friends thinking I was ‘extra’ to having a dry phone, where everyone in the world is on their phone, damn near 24/7, and I will go months without a reply or a single ‘hello’. Even if I was the first to reach out, most people ignore me. And I don’t even come at it as a ‘hey, I need something’ angle. I majority of the time, reach out to genuinely check up on someone to see how they are. So, yeah, I feel alone. Even in a crowded room, full of lively people, full of millionaires/billionaires, full of high-energy people who can only see the good in everything… I still feel alone.

OA: Do you feel like you have something holding you back?

IC: I-I-don’t know, really… I strive to be perfect, and I accept that I will never be. But it’s a great goal to strive for. A never-ending goal, so you’re always progressing more and more, with no limits. Perhaps? Maybe it’s me, which I know it is, holding me back. But I don’t have guidance. I know what to do, and I know how to get there… I just don’t know where to go… Let’s use DoorDash as an example, bear with me here… When an order is picked up, you have a GPS and an address to tell you where to go, right? But sometimes the GPS isn’t always accurate. You have the food and the general direction of the customer, but if you’re at an apartment complex, you’re not going to automatically know where the place is to drop off the food (unless you’ve been there before, obviously). Now you’re wondering where to drop off the food before they cancel the order. Same thing as to where I am, without the food or GPS.

I have the skills as a marketer/copywriter, but I don’t know where to find the clients who pay, who know what copywriting is, and who understand that it’s not as simple as it seems. I’ve written over thousands of emails, articles, content, and even have a best seller out, but still nothing…

OA: Thank you for sharing. Tell me what I can do to make you feel safe?

IA: A part of me wants this to stop… not just the interview… everything. Like, I just want to pause for a hot minute. But it’s been inherently ingrained into me to keep pushing forward. No matter how bad it got… no matter how broken I am… just keep going. I don’t think I could ever feel safe, to be honest. I’m so hurt by everyone, friends, family, lovers, haters, that I don’t think there is anyone out there deemed to be worthy enough to let them get closer.

OA: I understand, please realize that this is a thought experiment and you’re talking to yourself… But this time, you have a safe space, from everyone and everything. This will continue until you see that transformation. Let’s talk soon, okay?

IA: Okay, I know we didn’t go into the nitty-gritty, I do apologize - next time!