This was an idea swiped from Ning Li, a great copywriter and a nice guy. The only thing different is me, turning this into an interview instead of a therapy session. -(I.C. - Inner Child & O.A. - Outer Adult)

Let’s hop in the Victimhood Veto #2

Dear me,

O.A: If no one has said this to you… “I’m proud of you”. The last place we left off was about three-weeks ago. And we talked about how perfection is your downfall. Has anything changed since our last session?

I.C.: Thank you. It’s weird hearing it from the other end… Normally, I’m the one praising the other person… no matter the age or gender.

O.A: Why do you praise others when you don’t know them?

I.C: Well, that’s a good question… I don’t know. I see someone, and I can almost tell immediately that they haven’t been told that in a while. And I guess it’s my subconscious way of telling me what I’m missing.

O.A: What do you think you’re missing?

I.C: Fuck… I really didn’t want to go that deep into it… But here we go…. I guess… I feel like a part of me is missing. Like, I’m incomplete almost. That no matter what I do, I’ll always have 99% there, and that one percent doesn’t exist. And what is that 99%? I haven’t a clue. I just know that no matter what I do…. where I go… who I speak with… I feel like I don’t belong. Like I’m an alien in a world full of robots.

O.A: When was the last time you felt like you could relate to others?

I.C: Hard to tell, actually… As a kid… I was always alone. I didn’t have friends growing up. Parents weren’t around often… School didn’t like me because I never listened… as in, I was always daydreaming. Trying to escape my world. I haven’t felt connected to a group or a brotherhood in…. well… ever.

O.A: What are you trying to prove to people who hurt you in the past?

I.C: I’d like to think that I don’t care for those in the past… let sleeping dogs lie. Those in the past I am thankful for. They allowed me to grow and push past my limits as a human. Forcing me to survive, to fight for love, to be someone not to be fucked with.

O.A: What is the most common lie you tell yourself to feel safe?

I.C: I don’t know if it’s a lie or not… But I tell myself, I got this. Only I can protect myself.

O.A: What would happen if you stopped being the person everyone expects you to be?

I.C: I don’t know why… this question made me wanna throw up my feelings… not puke… but like the sadness rushing up my chest from in my gut to my throat… I’ve been playing this character for so long… that… I’m scared to change for fear of losing myself.

O.A: Hmmm…. I see… how do you use logic or intellect to distance yourself from painful emotions?

I.C: Damn, these questions are more brutal than last time…. okay… so growing up I was taught the old adage “boys shouldn’t cry” and I’ve learned emotions lie… a lot. By using logic, I can analyze the situation and make a choice instead of bitching and crying; I can do something about it. Regardless of how much it hurts.

O.A: When you are angry at someone, what part of your own shadow are they reflecting?

I.C: It’s hard to say… when I’m angry at someone, I have to take time to cool down. I hurt people’s feelings and think irrationally when heated. I keep my mouth shut because I know I will hurt others’ feelings.

O.A: What did you have to sacrifice about your true self to survive your upbringing?

I.C: Everything… I wasn’t allowed to be happy, I felt. When I was in a state of happiness, something always ended it abruptly.

O.A: If your inner child spoke through your current anxieties, what would they be screaming?

I.C: “I just want a hug”… I just want to vent… I just want to be loved…

O.A: Last question for this session, okay?… What is the one thing you promised you would never become, yet you see in the mirror?’

I.C: I promised myself I wouldn’t be like my father… and in some ways I am… but without the bad parts. You know how you naturally filter out murky water? You can take a plastic bottle, pack it with rocks, dirt, coal, and moss, and filter out 95% of the dirt and waste in pond water. Then boil it to get it purified and kill harmful bacteria… So, without the last step, I took my dad’s traits and distilled them down to the qualities I deem best. Now, by all means, it’s not the “best”, but it’s the best of HIS personality.

O.A: That’s all the questions I have today.

I.C. Thank you. I do feel a little bit lighter - and I didn’t want to shed a tear this time.

O.A. Good, until next time.